Mix Oni
by xXMiakyattoXx
Summary: Kyo pic because she played HetaOni. So, yeah, I was bored, and decided, "I should mix my OCs into Hetaoni!" And that, my friends, created the title, story, and my mental deterioration. So, read this, laugh, cry, whatever reaction you wanna have. Just don't let your head explode from Prussia's awesomeness. LOADS of swearing.


Mix Oni

"Wow! We finally found it: The HetaOni house!" Ciello, Volt, Kiki, and Mozilla had finally made it to, yes, the HetaOni house. Kiki stepped up to one of the windows. "I never thought we'd rearry find it. I mean, HetaOni is onry a fan game." However, her words meant nothing, for she was ignored. "Why do I arways go unnoticed? …Man my rife sucks." Ciello tried to open the door. The handle turned barely a centimeter, and the door didn't open. All it did was click and click and click. "Damn! I forgot it locked after they went in…oh! I have paper clips! …Wait, anyone know how to pick a lock?" Mozilla snatched one from her. "Let me! I'm an expert with this." She took the paper clip, bent it up, and jammed it in the key hole.

CLICK!

She turned the handle and the door swung open. "Ah! It really is cleaner than one would expect. Come on in, guys!"

The other three girls walked in, and looked around. "Hey, wait! Volt, you can close the door. We'll have more clips for later. Like, if it locks again." Kiki looked down one of the hallways. "At what time do you think we came in? Maybe after the Arries came?" Volt began walking down the other hall. "Maybe. Ve should check it out first. If it's true, zey vill be over in ze kitchen area, fighting Steve, perhaps." The girls walked down towards the kitchen to hear China's "Aiyaaaah!" after seeing Russia's pipe turn into a sword or whatnot. "Oh, yeah. They're here. They'll be defeated, and Japan will save the day." "Mozirra, what if WE saved them? That would be, as Americans say, 'So totarry awesome'." Mozilla smiled. "Hey, yeah! That WOULD be awesome! Let's do it! We just have to wait for-" "Bloody hell! It's…too strong…" Kiki unsheathed her sword. "That's our cue! It's now or never!" Ciello pulled her butcher knife from her satchel, Volt her swords from her hair, and Mozilla her scythe from…some sort of magical darkness realm. When they entered the room, England was about to be attacked by Steve. Mozilla ran full force at It, and sliced right through it's chest. It seemed to really hurt it, and it started to fade. "No way! You're not leaving just yet!" Ciello sliced into it with her butcher knife, and Volt came up to stab and electrocute with her Static Blades. Kiki, for the final move, powered up her katana, and sliced and diced the SHIT out of Steve. It then faded. "Alright! That was awesome! We've got more experience than these guys, and we just got here!" "Mozirra, it's because we're arways fighting things rike demons and stuff. It would be expected that we could beat this thing so easiry." While they continued to chat about that, Volt decided to explain about why they were there with England, China, Canada, and Russia. "Guten Tag. I'm Volt, daughter of Storm, ze lightening princess. See, ve're here to help you all get out. Because you're trapped in zis house vith a strange alien looking thing. All ve need to do is gather ze rest of you countries." Ciello had a spazz attack thing. "VOLT WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THEY'RE COUNTRIES, DAMMIT!" Volt shot an electro ball at her. "Shut up, I'M EXPLAINING THINGS! Now, Mozilla-"

Everyone heard the front door open. "HEY YO MOZILLA, KIKI, EVERYONE ELSE! THE ALLY GIRLS ARE HERE!" The door closed, and Jaden ran over, and into the kitchen. "Oh, there you guys are! Hey, Volt, where's America? Did he get locked in the basement already? Aw fuck, that sucks…Oh well, I got paper clips! I'll be back!" She talked at a rapid pace, and then ran off down to the other hall. They heard a door CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, and then be kicked down. "DON'T WORRY, I GOT THE DOOR!" And they heard her retreating footsteps.

Alex, who had been standing by face palming, started to apologize for Jaden's spazzyness. "Um, yes, we're terribly sorry about Jaden. She's a bit… excited…" Rose tugged on Mozilla's jacket sleeve. "Hey, I was going to see zat Jaden does not fuck anyzing up. Want to come with me?" She shrugged. "Eh, why not. At least I'll get to meet Prussia." And the two headed out.

While they were out getting America, France, and Prussia back, Mari had started a conversation with China about Hello Kitty, Russia was getting advise from Annastasia about avoiding stalker siblings, and Alex was discussing her Flying Butterscotch Bunny friend with Iggy. Who was talking with Canada, you ask? Why, it was Cassidy! The super ultra mega uber patriotic Canadian girl! She was telling Canada how to get noticed.

Even more questions: Where was the Axis? Well actually, Ciello, Volt, and Kiki(who no one noticed EVER) had left to find them. See, in this Oni game, they're STILL asleep in that room! Lazy fucks… "Hey, Volt, if the Axis is still in that room, shouldn't the door be locked?" "Ja, but you still have paper clips. So ve can just pick ze lock, right?" Ciello pulled the last 4 clips off her tie. "Si! But…will they attack if we just barge in there?" Volt pulled out her swords again. "Zey'll try, but I'll stun zem. Zese swords vork as tazers, too."

The three girls came to the door, and Ciello epically pulled off a paper clip and bent it. "Ciello, vy so anime epic?" She shrugged. "Dunno. I think it's just because The Creator designed me anime style, so she had to put some awesome anime cut-scene into the readers' minds."

"Ciello, don't break the Fourth Wall."

"Isn't talking about the Fourth Wall breaking the Fourth Wall?"

"Don't confuse the readers."

"See Volt! YOU just broke the Fourth Wall!"

"JUST OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR, CIELLO!" And that she did. They all walked in, and the Axis didn't seem to notice. Kiki hit Germany with her randomly found leek. "GET UP YOU RAZY FUCK NUGGET!" "Wow, Kiki! I didn't know you had it in you!" "Wait…I have to be viorent to be noticed? …It's worth it." Germany sat up in shock. …And extreme pain. "Ow! Vat ze hell was zat!? …WHO ZE HELL ARE YOU!?"

"WAAA, GERMANY, WHAT IS IT!? ARE WE UNDER ATTACK!?"

"I'll get my katana!"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP! We are onry here to help you escape this house, so don't worry about attacks from us! If anything, worry about whether or not that thing wirr kirr you. Now, if you want to escape, then come with us." The Axis followed them downstairs to where everyone else had met up again.

"Hey, ciao again, guys! We didn't die on the way to the stairs, so I guess we're leaving now! I have the paper clips!"

"I had dem clips…but only 2, and I used them on the door..."

"It's okay Jaden, I have one left!" She pulled it out and picked at the lock until it opened. Mozilla walked and talked with her. "I thought you couldn't pick locks?" "I really just messed with it until I got it. That's what it looked like you were doing." Mozilla anime sweat dropped.

Cassidy ran ahead to get the gate unchained. "Ya know, I'm surprised Steve isn't chasing us! You think he'd at least TRY to keep us inside." Alex went to go rip at the metal with her. "No, didn't you know? Steve's been trying to get these guys out of there since day 1."

"So we took a huge burden off his shoulders, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess we did. As long as no one else goes inside for a while, we'll finally start ignoring this place's activity. Then all the money will go to our trip to Seychelles! Ah, it's a tropical paradise…"

The chains finally broke, and the Hetalia cast was led out and away. Alex hung back to fix the chains. Steve walked forward toward her.

"… …You owe us that super toast and a year's supply of onigiris, Steve."

"Ya, I'll send it. Thanks for getting them out of there, too. They were about to use a wrecking ball on one of my walls!"

"You're welcome."

And with that, she walked off into the distance…

The End

EXTRA: What happened in the basement?

0u0: welp, otay! I guess I'll tell a wittle! …eh, whatevs! I'll spill the whole story.

JADEN'S POV

"AGH, STUPID DOOR'S LOCKED!" I kicked it and kicked it, and BOOM, it came down. "DON'T WORRY, I GOT THE DOOR!" I rushed in and instead of turning the corner to the other door, I sprinted across the room to get the cell door key.

"C'MON, WHERE IS IT, WHERE THE HELL IS IT!?"

"It's in the top drawer in that dresser."

I looked behind me, and Rose and Mozilla were standing there.

"Yo. …What up?"

"We came to help you. And make sure you don't destroy too much." I sweat dropped. "I haven't destroyed anything! …I think." Mozilla tapped her chin. "Eh, you broke the basement door, the door to this room, and broke a lot of things in here looking for a key." "…Okay I fail. But now I know! So let's just get the key and get out!" I ripped out the drawer and snatched up the key. "K, let's go!" We sprinted down the long hallways, and through the 3 doors to get to that cellar. I collapsed on the floor in front of the jail cell gate, panting and wheezing for air. "Hey…sup guys? …We came…to save you…OMFGTAKETHEKEYMOZILLA, ICANTBREATH!" I shoved the key into her face, and she took it. Unlocking the door, she bowed to Prussia.

"Your Awesomenss! It's an honor to have saved you this faithful day!" He smirked. "Kesesesesese~! Well, it's awesome to be saved by one of my awesome loyal subjects! What's your name, girly?" I finally grabbed the bars of the cell and stood up, listening only slightly as she replied, "Mozilla, sir." "HA! A truly awesome name for a truly awesome frau! Ah, and mein GOTT, are you sexy! Kesesese~!" I rolled my eyes at the BTT member's attempt to hit on Mozilla. She doesn't go for that crap. …Then again, it's PRUSSIA. And Mozilla thinks PRUSSIA is sexy…

I then noticed the stare down. Rose stared at France. He stared abck. Winked. Rose blushed. He smirked. She threw her gaze to the ground and slung him over her shoulder. "S-stupid France…why hit on hour own citizens when you have other country's girls you can flirt with!?"

I gathered the rest of my breath and went over to her. "Rose, it's France. What did you expect?" "...I don't know."

Anyways, I was getting bored (which happens easily...), so I ushered them out of the cell. "Kay, everyone get upstairs NOW. I'm bored, pissed at Steve for putting you through this, and I WANT MY PAY. Add that together and I aint happy." We were passing through that small square room, and guess who shows up?

...

...

...

If you guessed Charlie the Unicorn...YOU GOT IT RIGHT! No, it was Steve. Duh. "OH FOR FUCKS SAKES-" "Don't worry dudes! Let the hero-" I facepalmed. "Let me cut you off there. Aren't you the one who got his ass kicked by a weak-ass lame-o Alien/Oni thing?" "Well, I didn't-" "Didn't you get yourself locked in a cell with BTT MEMBERS?" "Well, yeah, but-" "AND HAVEN'T YOU BEEN IN THERE FOR LIKE, 3 DAYS WHEN _**OBVIOUSLY**_ YOU HAVE SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH, AND COULD HAVE RIPPED OFF THE BARS!? AND THE FRONT DOOR!?" "..." "Exactly. So let the GIRLS handle this." I reached into my bra(Yeah, I keep things in there. Perfect hiding place for weapons! :D), and pulled out my giant plasma machine gun. Now, if you're wondering how that would fit, and then you're thinking, 'Well duh, it all hides in ur massive cleavage', nope. Not at all. Only b-cups here. I don't understand either.

"DUDE THAT GUN IS AWESOME!" I charged it up. "Ooooh, you don't even know." And then I fired. Litterally a million balls of sun radiation a SECOND came out of that gun. I aimed at Steve's head, trying hard to burn his head right off. But of course, a sun's gotta run out of heat at some point. "Aww, fuck. ...BLUNT OBJECT TIME!" And then I chucked the giant-ass gun at Steve's eye like it was nothing.

"Yo, Mozilla? Wanna have a go at it?"

"Why the hell not?"

For the billionth time in history, her scythe appeared from nowhere, and she ran full force at Steve. She just fucked him the fuck up. Slashing, dicing, just MAULING him. I felt a bit of pity for him.

Then Mozilla let herself get smacked into a wall.

"...You're whole body is broken, huh?"

"Nope, just...chillin'."

"Mozilla, I can like, SEE the bone sticking out your arm."

"THAT'S A MINOR INJURY!"

"There are bones sticking out everywhere. Just shut up and let us two finish tis, 'tay?"

"...Whatever, fine!" Great. With her consent we can now kill Steve. "Rose, ready for this?" "Let's get this over with. I want my pay too." "Ha! Oh, that's the perfect modivation!" I pulled another cannon-like gun from my now "black hole" bra, and loaded Rose's daggers in. Then I loaded her. "Uh, dude, what's up with the chick in the cannon?" I charged up he gun. "There's two reasons to why her name's Rose. 1: Beautiful yet dangerous. 2: ...Eh, you'll see." A quick pull of a trigger and off went Rose, grabbing at all the daggers. With what? She only has two hands? Well, see, reason 2: She is fused with rose DNA. So yes, she is grabbing at those daggers(really made from rose thorns) with thorn covered vines. Awesome, yes. Creepy, a little.

Rose, a lot like Mozilla, just mauled Steve. There was a lot of blood, guts, one of his arms was gone...I won't go into detail. Rated R shit is scary. (Rated M would be a little better)

Steve disappeared, probably to heal, and we led the three Hetalia characters to the the front door, where the othered girls we had left behind were waiting. "Hey, guys! Where did the other 2(3, forgot Kiki) go?" Alex was currently trying to create an energy key for the front door. "To go get the Axis. Jaden, do you have a paper clip?" I pulled one off my tie. "Yep. Don't break it like you usually do." "I haven't ever broken a-"

SNAP.

"...Bloody hell..." "HAHAHA! Dude, I told you, you ALWAYS BREAK THE PAPER CLIPS! HAHAHAHA-wait...NOW WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR CIELLO AND VOLT, WHAT THE HELL ALEX!?" "WELL WE'D HAVE TO WAIT UP FOR THEM ANYWAYS!" "THEY HAVE THEIR OWN!" "Guys-" "STILL, IT'S BETTER THAN ABANDONING THEM TO THE HOUSE!" "Guys-" "YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THEY CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!""GUUUUUYYYYYS! Shut up! I can hear them all heading back downstairs right now. We only had to wait for a minute."

"Hi, ciao again, guys! We didn't die on the way to the stairs, so I guess we're leaving now!"

"I had dem clips...but I used them on the door..."

"It's okay, Jaden, I have one left!" She walked over to the door and fiddled with it, until we heard that nice little click. We all exited the house in one peice. I'm sure Italy is secretly overjoyed by this luck. In fact, he ran over to ask something.

"Ve~ Hey, how did you guys find your way here? And how did you know we were in there?"

"Well, Ita-chan, we kind of watch over the world's personifications. It's our job, our sector of the organization. So, we knew when you arrived and planned accordingly to assure that you would all escape. But, every plan would be turned to dust when someone died. So, yesterday, we decided to just jump into action and come rescue you. Screw planning! Besides, if we came upon Steve, we'd fight him off! Understand now?"

"Ve~I think...Wait. ...Do you know about the time loops?"

"Yes Ita-chan, yes we do. But it's okay now. Everyone's safe, see? Not one person left behind, and not one person with so much as a scratch. Plus, you're alive with them. That's what you wanted, right?"

"...Si. Thank you, eh...Jaden! Right?"

"Yup." I watched as Cassidy ripped off the chains, and walked into the distance. I barely paid any attention to Alex's conversation with Steve.

* * *

OKAY! Random HetaOni oneshot done! I'll try to get back to my other stories now! (I haz so many now...TT^TT) But not to worry, there will surely be updates! And as I promised, random new stories as apologies to anyone who actually reads my crap.

Hasta la Pasta!


End file.
